Sunday, February 19, 2017

Mannequin


Release year: 1987
Production company: Gladden Entertainment
Starring: Andrew McCarthy, Kim Cattrall, Meshach Taylor
An Egyptian princess cannot stand the idea of being tied down to a prince she doesn’t even love so instead she casts a spell that sends the princess traveling forward in time to the 1980s where she becomes imprisoned in the body of a mannequin at a high end department store! But the princess decides to come to life to help a newly hired window dresser and help him with his work. But the two need to keep their late night rendezvous’ and budding relationship a secret – if anyone sees the two of them together while the princess is in her human form then she will be turned into a mannequin forever!

Could their love ever exist in the real world???

First off, HAPPY 1600TH POST!!!! With all the changes and adjustments being made over the past year, I never thought I would get to this point but here we are! 2000 is almost in sight! And there are still so many amazing things to see...so long as I can stop rewatching some of my favorite classics like Mannequin here.
I borrowed this VHS tape from a friend of mine in high school and I fell in love so hard with this movie! Mannequin is such a fun combination of Weird Science and Earth Girls Are Easy mixed with the sass and glamour of Sex and the City, but all set in the 80’s. The characters, plot, and whole movie is generally spectacular but there are two components that I loved above all else in Mannequin. First – the designing/dress up/ building montages are awesome! All set to rad 80’s music and goofy snaps of our characters in crazy clothes pushing and pulling furniture all over the place, so classic and iconic in 80’s movies! And then we have Hollywood.

Oh Hollywood Montrose, you are Fabulous with a capital F!!
Hollywood is a minor character in this movie that COMPLETELY steals the whole show! He’s gay, fabulous, and is not afraid to tell you exactly what he thinks while wearing a crazy pair of glasses and sassily snapping his fingers. Every moment that Hollywood graces the screen is a true blessing and I love him so so much. Even if there were any bad things about this movie they are all stunted by the fact that Hollywood exists and this movie is precious.

Happiness and magic? This movie literally has it all!
Mannequin is a 5 OF 5 must own for 80’s romantic comedy fans! This is one sweet enough to give you a toothache!

Saturday, February 18, 2017

Hatchet


Release year: 2006
Production company: Ariescope Pictures
Starring: Joel David Moore, Deon Richmond, Tamara Feldman, Kane Hodder
While on vacation in New Orleans to take in the full Mardi Gras experience, two college friends find themselves trapped inside of a real life nightmare! When their boat breaks down in the middle of a haunted swamp tour, the two friends and the rest of the passengers learn that the murderous spirit of Victor Crowley – a deformed swamp dweller who was supposedly murdered decades before – is said to haunt this very part of the swamp. And whether the passengers believe in the legends or not, they are all in for a night of slaughter they will never forget!

What part of "Midnight Swamp Tour" didn't already send you
running for the hills???
This movie started off super rocky for me – I was expecting a straight up, demented horror movie and instead I was met with a ridiculous horror comedy! Don’t get me wrong, I totally love this movie now…but it took some adjusting when I realized that the movie wasn’t being serious. I loved the predictable-in-a-good-way comedy mixed with stereotypical horror movie characters. And the gore in this movie is AMAZING!!! It’s gooey and in your face and continuous! LOVE IT!! Aside from the fact that I didn’t know this was supposed to be a horror comedy, I really enjoyed Hatchet. It feels like a fun crossover of Friday the 13th meets Tucker and Dale vs Evil – one killer slasher with super satisfying kills all rolled up in a horror comedy!

And Victor Crowley! Talk about one powerhouse of a villain!
 He and Jason Voorhees would be excellent friends. Well, if
they wouldn't try to kill each other that is...
Hatchet gets 5 OF 5 must own for those who can’t say no to a super gory horror movie filled with tons of laughable moments.

Friday, February 17, 2017

Transformers: The Movie


Release year: 1986
Production company: Marvel Productions
Voice talents: Victor Caroli, Judd Nelson, Peter Cullen, Orson Welles, Leonard Nimoy
After the evil Decepticons take over the Autobots planet Cybertron, their battle moves to Earth where the Decepticons attack Autobot City! Optimus Prime, the leader of the Autobots, engages in battle and takes out the Decepticons leader Megatron. But the battle is far from over. Megatron makes a deal with cyber planet Unicron for a bran new body in exchange for Unicron’s help in destroying a token of the Autobot’s power! But the Autobots will not go down without a fight, and their human and Dinobot friends are there to help them win the war!

Saving the world is no big deal for these bots, but they're
in for their greatest battle yet!
I have had literally no exposure to the 80’s cartoon Transformers, but I am plenty familiar with the revamped Michael Bay Transformers franchise. PLEASE DON’T BOO ME!! Personally, I feel like this was the best order for me to get associated with the original Transformers – I love the remakes and now I also love the cartoon!! It totally feels like the perfect meld of The Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers mixed with Dino Riders, but with robots!!
I absolutely adore all of the fun characters and the silly 80’s cartoon dialogue about friendship and honesty. The action and violence in this movie is amazing for an 80's cartoon, and totally engaging! Kid's cartoons definitely don't carry the same kind of heft nowadays. The only issues I had were that some of the characters kind of melded together for me and I couldn't tell too many of them apart unless they had distinctive features like fast-talking Blur or super nasally Starscream. But the biggest thing I wasn't expecting was how emotional this movie was! I cried so much and so hard... I didn't even know I was that emotionally invested in robots!

I seriously cried so hard! These poor Autobots have been
through so much!

Transformers: The Movie gets a full 5 OF 5 must own for fans of 80's cartoons, Transformers and robot lovers, and Sci-Fi! If you're a fan of the new Transformers films then I recommend checking out this movie and going all the way back to the beginning, check out the origins!

Thursday, February 16, 2017

Helldriver


Also released as: Nihon Bundan: Heru Doraiba
Production year: 2010
Production company: Something Creation
Starring: Eihi Shiina, Yumiko Hara, Kazuki Namioka
When her cannibalistic mother’s heart is knocked out of her body by an asteroid, Kikka (Hara) is plunged into a hibernation-like state after her mother rips out Kikka’s heart to fill her own void. However, when a dark gas is released from Kikka’s mother’s mouth, engulfing most of Japan, the entire country finds itself in the grips of a zombie apocalypse! Armed with a katana-chainsaw and a rag tag team of zombie hunters, the group embarks on a journey to find Kikka’s mother (Shiina) – the self-proclaimed Zombie Queen – and take her out!

Down with the evil Zombie Queen!
As far as my experience with Japanese Splatter Gore goes, I feel like this is the least successful movie of the genre I’ve seen so far. I don’t know if Fever Dreams films have just ensnared my heart or what the deal is, but Helldriver felt like it lacked some serious charm or intrigue… I just was not nearly as into this movie. I mean, there were some good moments. The pregnant lady swinging her zombie baby around on his umbilical cord like a Kusarigama was pretty funny. And sure, it had plenty of gore and blood spraying all over the place but it wasn’t the same. Maybe the CGI was too wonky and in my face? Maybe I’m just over the whole zombie apocalypse thing? I don’t really know. But what probably bummed me out the most is that the guy who wrote this movie also gave us Tokyo Gore Police – which I feel like was a much more successful movie than this. I guess I’m just not happy…lame!

Even Kusarigama Baby couldn't make me love this movie.
Helldriver gets a 2 OF 5  must own for fans of Japanese Splatter Gore movies – maybe you’ll be happier with it if you aren’t looking for movies that feel more like The Machine Girl and Tokyo Gore Police. I just can’t shake my disappointment.

First time to Splatter Gore? Maybe it'll fly. 
For seasoned Splatterheads? NOT A CHANCE!

Wednesday, February 15, 2017

Halloween III: Season of the Witch


Production year: 1982 
Production company: Universal Pictures
Starring: Tom Atkins, Stacey Nelkin, Dan O'Herlihy
After one of his patients is murdered under his care at the hospital, Dr. Challis teams up with the deceased man’s daughter to uncover the mystery behind why this man was murdered. Their only clue? A rubber Halloween mask manufactuered by Silver Shamrock that the patient was clutching when he was admitted to the hospital. Dr. Challis feels that there is a connection between Silver Shamrock and the murder – but he has to move quickly to crack the case! Halloween is only a few days away and those Silver Shamrock masks are flying off the shelves. What sinister plot could Silver Shamrock be hiding?

How could such cute Halloween masks be so evil???
I’ve had a DVD copy of Halloween III for a while now but I’ve been so nervous to touch it because it doesn’t follow the typical guidelines of the Halloween franchise. How so? Well, Michael Myers isn’t even IN THIS MOVIE AT ALL!! I feel like maybe the franchise was trying to go into a direction where the Halloween movies would just be about horrific events that happened on Halloween – which could have been super cool! But after Halloween III it veered back into the Michael Myers story – which is fine, but I really enjoyed this breathe of fresh air.

Michael Myers never was my favorite slasher villain... with this
movie I didn't even have to worry about him!
I love that we still had the same spooky John Carpenter touches in this movie and that this was more mystery than slasher movie – a fun twist! The only downside? The theme song for the Silver Shamrock company gets stuck in your head very easily…I still find myself humming the tune under my breathe and even changing the words to fit certain situations!
Overall, I give Halloween III: Season of the Witch 4 OF 5 must own for classic 80’s horror movie fans. But if you’re looking for Michael Myers then you’d probably think this is more of a 1 of 5.

And in case you don't believe me about the Silver Shamrock
theme song - have a listen for yourself!

Tuesday, February 14, 2017

Slither


Production year: 2006 
Production company: Golden Circle Films
Starring: Don Thompson, Nathan Fillion, Elizabeth Banks
Planet Earth receives a visitor when a meteor comes crashing into a small country town and unleashed squirmy, wormy creatures. One of the town’s women is infected with a worm that causes her to become a human incubator for more squirmy, wormy babies all hell-bent on devour humans and using their bodies to make more babies!


Yum yum!
For the life of me, I have no idea why I always mix up this movie with Scourge – they are completely different! But, Slither does give off a Scourge vibe while being mixed with Night of the Creeps. What does this mean for us? It means we’ve got an ooey, gooey creature feature combined with a crazy, campy horror comedy! I’m so excited that I got to check out this movie when my boyfriend The Cinemartyr came to visit and brought his DVD copy along.
As I mentioned before, this movie is a true-blue horror comedy that isn’t afraid to poke fun at itself! We’ve gross creatures created with some hokey CGI, a cast that is very stereotypical of laughable horror movies, and an alien invasion plot that isn’t super original but it’s still fun just the same! Much like 2001 MANIACS, if you’re not up for a horror comedy then you’ll probably be less than excited about this one but I fully believe this is worth the watch.
Slither gets a full 5 OF 5 must own for those who love alien invasion-based horror comedies, this one is a riotous good time!

How could you not laugh at this face?!

Monday, February 13, 2017

Elvira: Mistress of the Dark


Production year: 1988
Production company: New World Pictures
Starring: Cassandra Peterson

Down on her luck horror hostess Elvira is pumped to get a letter stating that her great Aunt has passed away and left her something in her will. Hoping for $50,000 to help kickstart her Las Vegas show, Elvira races across the county to a small town in Massachusetts to receive her inheritance. But Elvira must find a way to turn lemons into lemonade when she finds out that instead of a pile of cash, she inherits a falling apart mansion, a poodle, and a whole heap of drama from the small townsfolk who aren't keen on Elvira bringing her sexy, ghoulish style to their town.

Making the best out of this dingy old house? I think Elvira
 might have some trick stashed up her sleeve...or cleavage!

My only experience with Elvira up until this point has been watching her host her Movie Macbre series, which I've loved, but these movies give me more Elvira than I thought I needed! Taking the ghoulish camp of The Munsters and giving it a sexy/Edward Scissorhands-esque makeover, Elvira: Mistress of the Dark is fun, hilarious, and all around awesome 80's fun! I can't say anything bad about this movie!

Elvira: Mistress of the Dark gets a full 5 OF 5  must own for those who not only love Elvira, but are also into movies with a campy, spooky, 80's comedy vibe.

She's sexy, she's sassy. and she's here to stay. 
Everybody loves Elvira!!