Monday, June 29, 2015

The Best of Me


Dawson Cole (James Marsden) has been living a quiet and simple life ever since he graduated from high school. He owns a small house, doesn't have a lot of friends, and spends his days working on an offshore oil rig. After a freak accident on the rig and a major explosion sent Dawson flying into the ocean, Dawson was given time off work to stay home and recuperate...but while at home Dawson received a devastating phone call. The attorney of a man named Tuck informs Dawson that Tuck has passed away, and Tuck stated in his will that he wants Dawson to execute his last wishes and take care of his estate. Dawson is heartbroken, in high school Tuck was a very important man in his life but without hesitation he packs up his truck and makes the trek north to North Carolina. But upon arriving at Tuck's, Dawson comes to find that he wasn't the only person mentioned in Tuck's will.

Long time, no see...

Amanda Collier (Michelle Monaghan) is also at Tuck's home when Dawson pulls into the driveway...and the two stop dead in their tracks. Amanda and Dawson were high school sweethearts, both passionately in love but it didn't last. Like most young relationships. And since all those years ago, they've both moved on. Dawson has his life down South and Amanda is married with kids - they're totally different people now. But still...seeing each other all these years later stirs up those old feelings a touch. Dawson and Amanda go to Tuck's lawyer and learn that they will be in charge of selling his home and auto shop, boxing up his things...but Tuck left something very special for them both - a small lakeside cottage for them to share. Another special place to both of them. Dawson and Amanda both try to brush their old feelings for each other aside...but all those memories keep resurfacing...

Sure, the candle light doesn't help but you can't deny what's already there!

Back in high school Dawson (Luke Bracey) was a good kid born into a bad family. His dad Tommy Cole (Seth Bridgers) was the head of the entire Cole clan and they were a nasty bunch - trashy, violent, conniving, known thieves and ruffians...but Dawson was never like them. Dawson was kind and had good grades in school, he even dreamed of going off to college and taking classes in astronomy. But because of his reputation as a Cole he was almost certainly going to fall prey to his family name and give in to the life of general mayhem. But one night, when Dawson was locked in a gruesome fight with his dad, he finally decided he couldn't do this anymore and he fled the house in the middle of the night and sought shelter in a barn where he fell asleep in the backseat of a convertible car. The next morning he was awoken by Tuck (Gerald McRaney), the mechanic and owner of the barn, pointing a shotgun at his face. Tuck knew Dawson right away as one of the Cole boys...but seeing as the boy was covered in bruises and chose to sleep in the car rather than steal it, Tuck opened up his home to Dawson.

Sleeping on a cot in Tuck's home and helping him fix cars after school, Dawson finally had a safe place to live. And this new found happiness brought more good things into his life - the biggest one was Amanda. Amanda (Liana Liberato) was a beautiful girl with her whole feature ahead of her. Born to a wealthy family with a big beautiful home and high expectations, Amanda's future was basically mapped out for her - but the minute her and Dawson laid eyes on each other they just knew. After only a single date, Amanda and Dawson knew they loved each other and they wanted to do everything they could to ensure they would have a future together. But reality has a way of killing young love. Amanda's uppity father made it clear to Dawson that he did not approve of their relationship, he even offered to pay the boy's entire college tuition to stop seeing Amanda! But considering the family Dawson came from...it made sense. And so Dawson ended their relationship, moved down South to work in oil refining business, and hadn't spoken to Amanda for all of these years.

What they had was perfect...but the world was against them from the start.

With all these memories swirling around in both of their heads, it's easy to see why Dawson and Amanda were so stilted in their initial meeting. But after spending a couple of days boxing up Tuck's things and reminiscing about the easier days...it was so plain to see that there is still a spark between the two. Those feelings never went away even though they both forced themselves to move forward in life. But life continues to still be so complicated. No matter how badly Amanda wants to be with Dawson now, nothing will change the fact that she has children with another man - it doesn't matter if she's no longer in love with him. And Dawson still has the ugly shadow of his family creeping on him after all of these years. In fact, his brothers have caught word of Dawson being back in town and they are none too happy about the events that went down so many years ago. Do Dawson and Amanda even stand a chance at trying again? Or will their worlds be divided once more by life's cruelty? All they can do is try...

Does this high school flame even stand a chance? 

I am so very happy that this became a movie! I read The Best of Me a couple of years ago when I found it in a thrift store and was navigating my new found love for all things Nicholas Sparks. One of my favorite things about this movie, and that holds true to many other book-turned-movies of Mr. Sparks, is that it seamlessly blends the current day plot with the memories of the past. The romance is intense and passionate, but this movie holds back from being completely over-the-top girlie by also adding in the violence of the Cole family - it definitely helps keep reluctant male viewers intrigued. Fans of previous Nicholas Sparks movies like The Lucky OneThe Notebook, and The Longest Ride will also really enjoy this movie. It's sweet and delicious, a romantic treat!

Nicholas Sparks movies continue to win me over! Now I wonder
which of his books will hit the silver screen next...

Friday, June 26, 2015

Live Free or Die Hard


I don't think I've ever had such a passionate love for a film series before! Yes, I've watched all the Godzilla, and Friday the 13th - plus countless other franchises -  out there but I have never been so enamored with a series as I have with Die Hard. With most movies that are stretched out into a franchise, they start to lose their charm after a while but that has yet to happen! The first Die Hard movie was INSANE! Then Die Harder completely blew me away!! And finally Die Hard With a Vengeance had me cheering in my seat!! This series is just an awesome cake frosted with epic and sprinkled with badassery!!! But could this champ still reign supreme? Is there any chance that a fourth movie would be just as good as the first, second, and third? I'll tell you...

Detective John McClane (Bruce Willis) has been called on a special mission by the FBI. What is this mission? To retrieve and bring Matthew Farrell (Justin Long) directly to them in Washington DC. McClane is definitely not in the mood, he has had a rough night and a bad fight with his estranged daughter, and the last thing he wants to do is hand deliver some kid to the Feds. But because McClane is a senior officer, there's no one else that can be called. Upon arriving at Matthew's home, he is met with a snarky skinny kid who keeps trying to give him the run around....and that's when the bullets start flying!! Someone on the outside is lighting up the apartment! And even when McClane and Matthew get out of the apartment, they're still pursued by a group of men!

These babysitting jobs aren't what they used to be!

Diving into McClane's police car, they manage to evade the baddies and speed off toward DC...but now comes the big question: who is trying to kill Matthew and why? The reason the FBI wants Matthew is because several nights ago there was some kind of breach in their Cyber Security division, it didn't look like any information was taken but someone definitely made it inside their walls. Matthew has been labelled as one of the top computer hackers in the nation, and the night of the breach the FBI compiled a list and tried getting in touch with all of the hackers...but Matthew is the only one left living. All the other hackers' homes and apartments were blown up by some kind of bomb. ALL OF THEM. Someone is trying to cover up a secret, and now it's even more important that Matthew make it to DC in one piece - maybe he knows the same things the other hackers did, and now he's the only one left alive to tell the tale.

What does this whiny kid know??

McClane and Matthew are on the road heading to FBI headquarters not anticipating any further hiccups when suddenly all the traffic lights turn green and cause massive city-wide gridlock! Horrible car accidents block whole city streets and all the vehicles are rendered immobile - someone hacked into the transportation system and messed with the traffic configurations! McClane yanks Matthew out of the trapped police car and they continue their way to the FBI on foot....but then comes the alarms. The anthrax sirens are triggered and blaring causing evacuations of entire buildings...and then the stock market starts plummeting!! The entire country is thrown into an uproar!! What is happening?! And then comes the televised broadcast. An unauthorized broadcast goes over every television nationwide showing spliced footage of all the past presidents of the United States giving speeches, but the speeches have been altered in a way to portray that the country is under attack and those behind the attack will not falter until they have complete control of the nation. And suddenly, Matthew realizes what is happening.

The entire country is falling apart!!

These hackers have put a plan of action in place called a Fire Sale. A Fire Sale is a three step process that basically breaks down a nation's infrastructure through the use of computers. The first part consists of taking down all transportation, and then comes the financial and telecommunication. The final step is getting rid of all national utilities including gas, fire, nuclear power, and water. Matthew tries to communicate that this is in fact a thing that is happening, but the FBI insists that it cannot be done....but it's already happening! So now Matthew is a prized commodity because he knows what's happening...and possibly knows a way to stop it. But with the entire nation thrown into a state of panic, keeping Matthew out of predatory hands is going to be tough. But John McClane has a strong grip, and he's not going to let America fall prey to a bunch of punks behind computer screens!

Watch out computer nerds, John McClane is going to punch your lights out!

I REALLY wanted to love this movie, especially since the first 3 Die Hard movies were so ridiculously awesome! But...as cool as this movie was, it just fell short for me. And I think that's because this was the first of the movies made in the 2000s. There was less reliance on practical effects which was a bummer, and the fact that there was a much less need for brawn was a letdown too. This movie was super intellectual compared to the last movies so you do have to pay attention to the actual plot and not just the mounting action. I do have to say though, Bruce Willis is still a total badass as John McClane and I think he got even MORE badass when he shaved his head - GO MCCLANE!!

Overall, this was a fine action movie and it definitely was fast paced and enticing but it just doesn't compare with the rest of the series thus far. If you're a fan of digitized explosions and car crashes, over the top stunts that make you go "meh" more than "WHOA!", and movies centered around computer hackers that you should give this one a try. Honestly, I probably would have liked this a whole lot more if Die HardDie Harder, and Die Hard With a Vengeance hadn't been the pre-cursors to this movie. But what can you do! Let's hope the 5th movie in this franchise - A Good Day to Die Hard - saves the series!

A bit of a flop, but Bruce Willis can still kick ass!!!

Thursday, June 25, 2015

Tammy and the T-Rex


This week, my blog has been going to the dinosaurs! I finally got around to seeing Jurassic Park III, and then went to theaters to see the much-anticipated Jurassic World. And now that I've gotten the cool dino movies out of the way, it's time to focus on one that's also cool but DEFINITELY cheesy! I had never heard about Tammy and the T-Rex up until last week when The CineMartyr told me about it's presence on Youtube. And just based on the movie trailer alone, I knew this was something that I needed in my life! Dinosaurs, 90s teenagers, mad scientists...OH MY!!

Tammy (Denise Richards) and Michael (Paul Walker - may he rest in peace knowing that he worked that crop top!) are the cutest new couple in high school, but Tammy is nervous. After breaking up with her previous boyfriend Billy (George Pilgrim), he went a little bit crazy and keeps close tabs on Tammy's every move. Tammy really wants to date Michael but she wouldn't be able to live with herself if Billy ever hurt Michael in a fight! But Michael insists that it doesn't matter, that's she's totally worth it...but Billy is on a rampage and Michael is his target. One night while Tammy and Michael are making out in her bedroom, Billy gets word that Michael is at her house and chases him out into the street! The two teens face off but Michael doesn't have a chance against Billy and his gang...or the wild lion that attacks him in the wildlife preserve where they're fighting! And they leave Michael for dead!

Poor Tammy, so many boys fighting over her! So many first world problems!

Michael's body is discovered and he's taken to the hospital where Tammy rushes to his bedside only to learn that Michael has died. NO!! THE TRAGEDY!!! But the doctor residing over Michael has less than appropriate motives. Dr. Wachenstein (Terry Kiser) is a bit of a mad scientist with an agenda. Alongside his Russian assistant Helga (Ellen Dubin) they have constructed a life-sized robotic Tyrannosaurus Rex that they want to bring to life, but the only way to do that is with a brain...but how to get a brain? So Dr. Wachenstein and Helga go to the local hospital and pose as medical professionals and Michael was the first body they came across - they faked his death and stole his body away right from under Tammy's nose. They remove Michael's brain and sync it up with their dinosaur AND THE PLAN WORKS! THE T-REX LIVES!!! But they just put a teenage boy's brain in the body of dinosaur - was this really a smart move?

"Hello, operator? Yeah, I'm a dinosaur now."

Michael's brain wakes up and he sees his human body laying before him...and then looks in the mirror and sees his new dinosaur body! What happened?!?! Filled with rage, Dinosaur Michael escapes from the warehouse where he was created and rushes out to find Tammy...surely she can help him, right? With some clever dino sign language after Tammy manages to calm down, Dinosaur Michael manages to communicate to Tammy that his brain is alive and keeping this dinosaur body functional. And now Tammy has a mission - she has to get back the man she loves by finding him a new body! But this is going to prove harder than she hoped with wacky Dr. Wachenstein and Helga hunting them down wanting to get their dinosaur back! Can Tammy reclaim her true love, or will she be forced to love and have little scaly babies with this dinosaur dude?

He really loves you Tammy, he's not just hungry! Honest!

How do I even BEGIN to describe how hilarious this movie is??? I can't tell if this was a movie that wanted to be taken seriously or was purposefully made so over-the-top funny! The acting is too much, the practical effects had me in stitches - they use fluffy puppet arms for the dinosaur when he does things like dial phones! There's even a ridiculous opening song that actually did a good job of setting the ton for the impending cheese. Overall, this movie is a hilarious comedy that I highly recommend for fans of any of the following: 90s movies, 90s teen movies, 90s teen romantic comedies, dinosaur movies, science fiction movies, comedy movies, 90s teen romantic dinosaur comedy movies!

If you're looking for a hilarious watch- the whole movie is on Youtube!

THURSDAY NIGHT IS THE BEST NIGHT TO TUNE IN TO REAL PUNK RADIO!! Home to the Thursday Night Wrecking Pit, Real Punk Radio is your Thursday night destination for the best in Psychobilly radio programming. Starting tonight at 6pm PT Gone Mental will be kicking off the evening, and then at 7pm PT Zorch Radio takes over the reigns and rides out the evening til 10pm with the best in Psychotronic rock n' roll. Make sure to tune in to the Thursday Night Wrecking Pit tonight! I won't be able to make it in this evening to talk about my experiences with Tammy and the T-Rex but I'll be back next week to tell you all about another trashy movie during the Trash-Tastic Minute on Zorch Radio. Tune in to Real Punk Radio tonight!

Your Thursday night line up raring to go!!

Tuesday, June 23, 2015

Jurassic World


IT'S FINALLY HERE!!!!!!! ONE OF THE MOST ANTICIPATED MOVIE MOMENTS OF MY ENTIRE LIFE!!!!!! I HAVEN'T BEEN THIS EXCITED SINCE I WENT TO SEE THE RE-RELEASING OF JURASSIC PARK IN 3-D!!!!!!!!! And I can calm down a little bit now. I am an enormous dinosaur fan and tend to get overly excited any time I see a movie involving dinosaurs, but this sequel has been a long time coming. So let's just dive right into the good stuff, okay?

As we all remember fondly from the first Jurassic Park movie, the dream of founder John Hammond was that one day the park would thrive and people from all over the world would travel to Costa Rica and marvel at the wonder that is real life dinosaurs! But as we remember from the first movie, the dinosaurs went rogue after a security breach and the entire island was basically lost to the dinosaurs. The island, Isla Nublar, was quarantined and basically given to the dinosaurs. Until now. Eccentric billionaire Simon Masrani (Irrfan Khan) purchased the rights to Isla Nublar and Jurassic Park and turned the whole island around to create his own functioning theme park now deemed Jurassic World. It's a thriving metropolis housing over a hundred different species of dinosaurs, attractions incorporating the creatures, and featuring interactive ways for the attendees of the park to marvel at the majesty of these ancient beasts.

Welcome to Jurassic World, have a seat and enjoy the show!

Our story focuses on two boys named Zach and Gray. Many kids around the world dream of going to an amazing place like Jurassic World, and this is the year that Zach (Nick Robinson) and Gray (Ty Simpkins) get their turn. And what's even cooler is that their Aunt Claire (Bryce Dallas Howard) is the operations manager for the theme park so they get special VIP passes for every ride and attraction! But once the boys get to the park they're not met with their Aunt Claire...they're met by her assistant. That's always been a bit of an issue with Aunt Claire, she always puts business before family. And while it's still cool that Zach and Gray are at the park, they're bummed that they've been pawned off on someone else while Claire works. But Claire has some serious work on her plate that needs tending to, and her first order of business is unveiling the lab's newest dinosaur creation to Mr. Masrani.

Being alone at Jurassic World is definitely NOT one of the worst things in the world. 

Jurassic World has been open a few years now and has been widely received by the public...but how do you keep a park centered around dinosaurs fresh, new, and on the cutting edge? As we've learned in the past, the way Jurassic Park was able to create real live dinosaurs was by extracting DNA from mosquitoes fossilized in tree sap, and combining that DNA with modern day reptile DNA to create these real life dinosaurs. And this is where Dr. Henry Wu (B.D. Wong - whom we remember from the first movie!) comes into play. As the chief geneticist for the park and the only former employee from Jurassic Park to have survived and wanted to stay involved in this line of work, Dr. Wu took it upon himself to create a brand new hybrid dinosaur that was going to wow audiences - and thus was born Indominus Rex, a massive carnivorous dinosaur created from the DNA of multiple predatory dinosaurs. Indominus Rex has been kept in a closed paddock since she was born so her behavior could be observed before she was put on display. And for good reason, she's been causing some large problems.

"The kids? She'll give the parents nightmares too..."

Owen Grady (Chris Pratt) is Jurassic World's leading expert for the velociraptors and works tirelessly training them to obey his command. A former officer in the United States Navy, Grady is highly respected for his deep commitment to his job and that is why Claire calls on him to come check out Indominus Rex. And instantly Grady sees some major flaws. She's never been socialized so there's no telling how she'll respond to interacting with other dinosaurs - especially since she ate her sibling - and she is also proving to be frighteningly smart. Which the dinosaur exhibits when she fakes an escape so she can lure the park wranglers into opening the gate and escaping into the park for real! This mammoth killing machine is free inside the park and now the Jurassic World Containment Unit needs to capture the Indominus and bring her back...but there's more problems that keep arising. This dinosaur has the ability to use camouflage and hide itself from the heat seeking technology used to track all the other dinosaurs in the park, and she purposefully ripped out the tracking device implanted in her body. The Indominus is smart. And now she's on the loose.

DON'T STAND AND SHOOT!! TURN AND RUN!!!

Claire thinks she can keep the situation under wraps and that the Containment Unit will be able to track down the Indominus Rex and return her safely to her paddock with no issues. But the Indominus is proving far too smart and far too lethal - she is killing for sport, and that is including both humans and dinosaurs and basically any moving thing that comes into her path. Grady is livid, this is a dinosaur that never should have been created and the idea that they want to capture and keep it alive is asinine in his mind! Nuke this beast and get rid of it! But Claire is stubborn and so sure that she can handle this problem...until the Indominus starts moving dangerously close to the theme park. Now there is no way around it, she HAS to call for an evacuation. But what's worse still, as the Indominus is wrecking havoc and charging ever closer to the hundreds of thousands of people being corralled onto ferries to get back to the mainland, her nephews Zach and Grey go missing. They were in the valley on a gyro sphere ride when the evacuation alert was sent out but the sphere was found empty and smashed. The boys are lost and alone on the island...and Claire has to find them before something bigger with a whole lot more teeth does.

Those poor kids could be anywhere! Aunt Claire and Owen Grady are on the case!

THIS MOVIE WAS HUGE AND AMAZING AND I TOTALLY LOST MY MIND!!!!!!! The dinosaurs were huge and toothier, and crazy big - I think it also helps that I was sitting front row at an I-MAX screening but still! People have been really critical about this movie, and I do have a couple of faults with it but they're only minor. For example, there were a whole bunch of mini plots inside of this movie and LOTS of characters to keep track of so that made things a touch muddled. And just like with Jurassic Park III there wasn't a whole lot of science, just a whole bunch of action. And there was lots of CGI, I don't think there were any practical effects used in this movie. But these small grips aside, I really love the suspense and the action and the violence! The dino-on-dino fight scenes had me drooling, and at one point near the end I thought I was going to cry because of a certain thing that happened but everything came out okay. But what makes me more happy than anything is the fact that there WILL be sequels, the actors have signed contracts and the directors and producers have already committed. I just can't imagine what amazingness is in store for us in the future, all I know is that I'm ecstatic that a world where dinosaurs and human exist together is a thing. Overall, absolutely stunning movie and definitely in my Top 5 Favorites of 2015!!! I plan on seeing this bad boy a couple more times in theaters, and buying the special edition DVD when it is released!

Monday, June 22, 2015

Jurassic Park III


So I had a little bit of a panic yesterday... I went to see Jurassic World on Sunday and then it dawned on me afterwards that I NEVER SAW JURASSIC PARK 3!!!! I've always been an insane stickler for watching movies in chronological order and I flubbed up! Granted, Jurassic Park 3 doesn't really have anything to do with the plot of Jurassic World but I gotta be true to my movie-watching morals! And as excited as I am to tell you about the new 2015 dinosaur-heavy release, we gotta step back a couple years and talk about Jurassic Park 3...and I really need to talk about it because I don't know how I feel about this movie.

Dr. Alan Grant (Sam Neill) has been doing his best to move forward with life after Jurassic Park. He continues to hunt and dig for velociraptor fossils in the desert, he's published a second book, and continues to make new discoveries and form new conclusions on how the dinosaurs must have thrived together 65 million years ago. Sure, when he gives lectures people tend to be more interested in hearing about his experiences at the now-abandoned Jurassic Park but Dr. Grant just shrugs off the questions and continues on with his work. One day after a lecture, Grant is approached by a married couple - Paul (William H. Macy) and Amanda Kirby (Tea Leoni) - with a special favor to ask. They consider themselves to be adventurers and love travelling the world to experience once-in-a-lifetime moments, but their newest venture is going to call for some help from a man with special expertise.

With everything Dr. Grant has been through, he can stand to share his knowledge. 

Paul and Amanda have decided that for their upcoming wedding anniversary they want to see Isla Sorna, better known as the Jurassic Park Site B where the actual dinosaurs were being created. Aside from the incidents surrounding Ian Malcolm's mission to the island a couple of years earlier, Isla Sorna has been untouched by man and is an island inhabited only by these dinosaurs which continue to thrive there. Dr. Grant is appalled that this couple wants to actually go to Site B and he outright refuses...but then Paul and Amanda explain that they're not going to land on the island, they only plan on flying over it several times to see the sites, they just want Dr. Grant to be their guide. And to give him a little more reason to agree, Paul pulls out a blank check and promises to write down whatever number he needs to continue funding his desert digs for several more years. Obviously Grant can't so no to something that will help fuel his projects - so he agrees and drags along his research assistant Billy (Alessandro Nivola) to keep him company.

What harm could a fly-by be?

Dr. Grant and Billy board the small charter plane alongside the Kirby's and several other men that are accompanying the trip. Everything starts out smoothly enough, and when the small plane finally makes it to Isla Sorna Dr. Grant jumps right into tour guide mode and stars pointing out the different species of dinosaurs roaming below them. But then there is a change of plans. Dr. Grant overhears the pilots saying that they're looking for a landing strip. Landing?! NO!! They cannot land on this island - Dr. Grant never wanted to come back, this is a sure death wish!! But before he can reach the pilots he is knocked unconscious by a burly man seated behind him in the plane. When Grant comes to, he realizes that the plane has landed...and he hears the Kirby's outside screaming the name "ERIC!!". Grant is beyond livid at this point and demands an explanation. Who are these people and what did they really plan on doing on Isla Sorna?

Shut up crazy lady! The dinosaurs can hear you!

A couple of months ago, Amanda and Paul's son Eric (Trevor Morgan) had gone on a para sailing adventure with a family friend around the island to see some of the dinosaurs. But then there was some kind of terrible accident, the boat was wrecked, and the boy and his guardian never made it back to the main land. Amanda and Paul aren't eccentric millionaires, they're parents desperate to find their lost son. But he went missing over 8 weeks ago on an island riddled with unpredictable prehistoric creatures...what are the chances he is even still alive? But before Grant can persuade them that the boy is likely dead, an enormous predatory dinosaur - a Spinosaurus - erupts from the jungle and demolishes their plane in the process of trying to attack the group! Managing to evade the beast the first time, this stay on Site B has officially gotten a billion times more dangerous. They are trapped on a deserted, dinosaur-infested island with no means of escape...and they're searching for a young boy who likely isn't even alive. Who's ready for an adventure?

Even if you find a way off the island, who says this big guy will let you leave? 

I have very mixed feelings about this movie, which kind of bums me out. Obviously the first Jurassic Park is undoubtedly the best of the entire franchise - no movie can touch it! The second movie, The Lost World, was also really good and I liked that it stayed so true to the book. But this third movie was a bit of a puzzler. Being based on books written by Michael Critchton - who was a brilliant author and a very smart, well-researched man - the first two movies felt very intellectual and had a very good balance of both science and action. But this third movie definitely lacked the science, it was pure action. And a LOT more of the dinosaurs in this movie were CGI whereas the first two movies used an even split combination of computer-generated and practically created beasts which was really magical - so this movie did lack that touch as well. But the story was sound, and the action was definitely gripping! So while it did feel a little out of place with its predecessors, Jurassic Park III is still a very solid dinosaur movie and I enjoyed it immensely!

While not as great as the first two, this is definitely a great dino movie!
Now I can tell you about Jurassic World!!

Thursday, June 18, 2015

Zombeavers


I cannot remember who it was that originally shared this movie trailer to my Facebook page, but whoever did so made me SO happy! This was months ago and I was really worried that this would just be a mock trailer and then I would have to live in a world without zombie beavers, just like I have to live in a world without Werewolf Women of the SS and Bio Cop. But I finally caught a break! Zombeavers is a real thing! And... I'm not really sure if I'm happy about that or appalled...

It always starts out just like any other vacation for college girls - Jenn (Lexi Atkins) found out her boyfriend was cheating on her a party last weekend and she broke up with him, and to help her get over the slime ball her friends Mary (Rachel Melvin) and Zoe (Cortney Palm) decide that a weekend away will be just what she needs. Staying at a secluded cabin in the woods, Mary insists that the girls don't touch their cell phones and don't bother talking about boys - this is their weekend to just be girls! They'll drink and play board games and have all kinds of fun! But their plans are quickly derailed when Mary's boyfriend Tommy (Jake Weary), and Zoe's boyfriend Buck (Peter Gilroy) decide to crash the girl's weekend! And what's worse still is that Jenn's slimy, cheating ex Sam (Hutch Dano) came along too! Ugh! This weekend now sucks!

Great! Now girl's weekend is ruined!

Mary insists that the guys leave immediately - this was supposed to be a couples weekend before Sam decided to cheat on Jen - but it's not fair for the guys to stay and leave the ex's sitting awkwardly in the living room. But thanks to everyone's begging and Jen's passive aggressive anger, it's decided that the boys are allowed to stay. The night progresses awkwardly with the couples locked in their bedrooms having loud sex while Jen fights off Sam's advances. Trying to avoid him, Jen decides to take a shower only to discover an angry beaver in the shower that throws itself at her and tries to attack! And sure enough, when Jen grabs her friends to show them the evil rodent is waiting under the bathroom sink to attack again! Thinking quickly, Tommy bashes in its head with a baseball bat and throws the corpse on the front porch. And with that the gang goes to bed.

BEGONE EVIL BATHTUB BEAVER!!

Morning comes and everyone wakes up refreshed and ready for the day. Sure, they're worried about the fact that the beaver carcass has disappeared from the porch but the guys brush it off as a wild animal scavenging for food. Grabbing their towels and coolers, the gang decides to spend the day on the lake swimming and getting drunk! Woo hoo! But a peaceful day in the sun quickly turns deadly when Buck gets pulled underwater and comes up... with a severed foot! But it's not any severed foot, IT'S HIS OWN SEVERED FOOT!!! HE WAS ATTACKED BY A BEAVER!!! The lake is teeming with evil beavers all looking for a snack...but these aren't ordinary beavers! Beavers don't just attack people like this! No, these beavers were poisoned by a tank of radioactive waste that fell into the lake when a delivery truck ran into deer...these beavers are now hungry for human flesh, and today's menu is features college kids! Do they have any chance of surviving against these evil beavers, or will they slowly be picked off one by one by evil zombie rodents?

Serious beaver crossing - beware of rodents!!

This movie was exactly what I thought it was going to be: cheesy gore and vagina jokes. Not saying that this movie is predictable by any means, these factors were a definite plus! You definitely can't go into this movie looking for a serious scare, this movie is pure cheese and jokes and over-the-top horror silliness. The gore is extensive and ridiculous, the dialogue and college kids are dopey, and the puppeted zombie beavers are hilarious!! If you're at all a fan of over-the-top horror comedies and hilarious puns, I highly recommend checking out Zombeavers. And make sure you stick around for the ending teaser scene after the credits...I don't know if there is going to be a sequel or another zombie based movie, but if there is we have a definite clue!

THURSDAY NIGHT IS THE BEST NIGHT TO TUNE IN TO REAL PUNK RADIO!! Home to the Thursday Night Wrecking Pit, Real Punk Radio is your Thursday night destination for the best in Psychobilly radio programming. Starting tonight at 6pm PT Gone Mental will be kicking off the evening, and then at 7pm PT Zorch Radio takes over the reigns and rides out the evening til 10pm with the best in Psychotronic rock n' roll. Make sure to tune in to the Thursday Night Wrecking Pit tonight, where I will be talking about my experience with Zombeavers during the Trash-Tastic Minute on Zorch Radio. So make sure to tune in to Real Punk Radio tonight!

If you're in the PNW, we will be giving away tickets to the Zorch Radio Psychobilly Brawl
that will be happening in Seattle tomorrow night - post this pic to Instagram and use 
the hashtags so we can add your name into the drawing! 

Tuesday, June 16, 2015

Bad Asses on the Bayou


IT EXISTS!!!! IT REALLY EXISTS!!!! I have been religiously following the Bad Ass movies since that night when I was bored at work and looking for something cool to watch. Danny Trejo is absolutely one of my favorite action stars, and while the first Bad Ass movies wasn't the best I was 100% sold on the sequel. Thus far, Bad Ass 2 is my absolute favorite simply because of the chemistry between Danny Trejo and Danny Glover. As cool as it is to see one old guy kicking serious butt, it's an absolutely joy seeing two cranky old guys kicking butt together while also ragging on each other for being old and just existing. The two Danny's together are a dynamite duo, which is why I was THRILLED to see that the third Bad Ass movie was added to Netflix! Could my life get any sweeter??

The last time we saw our bad ass buddies Frank (Danny Trejo) and Bernie (Danny Glover) they were kicking bad guy butt in the big city. This time around, our fellas are heading down South. Their good friend Carmen (Loni Love) is getting married and she wants both Frank and Bernie to attend the wedding which is being held down South in Baton Rouge, Louisiana! Frank and Bernie are more than happy to attend, and even more excited to go since Carmen lets the gentlemen know that the entire trip is being paid for by her father - they literally have no reason NOT to go!

Off to the bayou!

The men arrive in Louisiana and are immediately swept up in its charms. Carmen's father Earl (John Amos) owns a huge plantation home in the South where Frank and Bernie will be staying. The first night a party is thrown in honor of Carmen and her fiance (Sammi Rotibi) and everyone is having a ball - there's music, food, and booze to spare! After spending a wonderful evening among good friends, everyone leaves for their beds to get some rest for the upcoming wedding preparations since they have only a few days left before the ceremony. But in the dead of night, some thugs break into the house and kidnap Carmen!

The good times have come to a screeching halt!

Knowing that they have to do something, Frank and Bernie spring into action and start hunting for clues on who could have taken Carmen. The motive is obvious, Carmen's daddy has LOTS of money - and of course the kidnappers call with an insane ransom demand. Earl says that he will just pay the ransom, anything to get his daughter back...but that's not good enough for Frank and Bernie. They want to make this jerk pay. But this jerk in question ends up being someone they never anticipated having the desire to take advantage of Carmen and her family, but it doesn't make any difference to our Bad Ass Boys - don't do the crime if you can't handle the punishment! Which is a serious Southern-style ass whooping!

Bad asses rolling out!

Alright, as excited as I am for all things Danny Trejo I am a bit bummed about this movie. As much as I adore Bad Ass 2, this movie definitely didn't hold the same amount of magic for me. Trejo and Glover still have good chemistry, and the stunts and action are good..but I think the initial idea is more exciting than having the concept dragged on for several more sequels. Overall, this movie was still a lot of fun and it's a decent action movie but I think the series should have ended at the second movie. If you're looking for a fun one-time watch, give this movie a shot. Any bets that a 4th movie is in the works?